Libido
by Vicious11
Summary: Even S-Rank ninjas like to blow off steam from time to time. Crackpairings. Gender-bending.
1. Chapter 1

Warning- A little bit of everything; Several pairings, mainly and mostly Het, some Yuri, maybe some Yaoi, humor, sexual content, some fluff, crack pairings. I will put on warnings on top of each chapter page in case some of the content may bother some readers. (No, I don't plan to have non-con, but its always nice to have a warning of certain things) Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Naruto doesn't belong to me, if it did this would happen lol!

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Zetsu had woken up at the sound of commotion down the hall meaning that either Hidan and Kakuzu or Deidara and Sasori were in one of their arguments. Either way, Zetsu was more than used to having rocky mornings; that still didn't mean she accepted the ruckus.

"**I'm going to bite their fucking heads off**." Snarled the plant man under her breath as she sat up, shuddering when her feet touched the cool marble of the floor, and stretched her body into awakening before she headed to their room's bathroom.

Tobi mumbled a few unintelligible words in his sleep before he stilled between the blankets and elicited loud snores. If the sound outside their room hadn't waked him up, Zetsu's scream certainly did.

* * *

Hidan had awakened early this morning with the worst headache of his life, he felt weak, dizzy and extremely dirty. Not like he was surprised, he had expected as much when he had walked into the club and drank about eleven Jager bombs and five shots of tequila with Kisame and Kakuzu yesterday. He was surprised to find himself almost naked if not for his Jashin-printed boxers, he didn't give it much thought.

"Oi, Kakuzu, have you seen my pants anywhere, if you do, pass them to me, pretty please?" He called out, yawning loudly while he reached around himself blindly. "Kakuzu? Oi, Kakuzu, you deaf or what?" The Jashinist scanned the room and found that his partner's bed was empty and neatly made. Hidan stumbled to his feet, yawned and stretched before he headed to the door and headed towards the kitchen with a half-asleep expression.

Deidara, sporting the same expression as his comrade, and too indulged into his own mischief, crashed against the Jashinist by accident, snapping both of them of their trance.

"What the-watch where you're walking, dumb-ass." Mumbled Hidan.

"Hm, must you be so loud, hm?" Replied Deidara drowsily, rubbing his make-smudged, half-lidded eyes before granting Hidan an annoyed glance. Deidara suddenly froze and couldn't hold back a deep, obnoxious laugh.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing, nothing, hm-prff!" Deidara cracked up again. Hidan growled and took the blonde by the neck of his sweater and dragged him under him threateningly. Deidara cleaned the tears that had formed on his tired eyes and granted Hidan a dopey grin. "Don't you worry, hm, I'm sure that shit's going to get off with some water."

"What are you talking about?"

Deidara chortled but stopped when he realized Hidan was truly oblivious of his condition. For some reason that made it even funnier and Deidara failed at containing his laughing yet again. "Nah, don't worry about it, hm."

"You know what? I don't believe you, figure why. Either you tell me what's so funny or you'll tell me through broken teeth, yeah, Barbie?" Hissed Hidan through gritted teeth before his attention got caught by the presence of another member. Hidan's exotic purple eyes clashed with Itachi's blood-line. Itachi stood as composed as always. "What you looking at scare-crow?"

"Have any of you seen Kisame?" He asked in his usual bored, monotone voice.

Deidara shook his head and Hidan squinted in thought, searching the scorched memories from last night, his memories travelled from their sober early drinking, to their drinking game, to their drinking challenge, to Hidan stripping, Kakuzu stripping, Deidara getting high with Zetsu and Tobi on the corner, to Kisame rapping then being kicked out and continuing the party back at the base along with half of Ame, from here it was all a mix of blurred colors and faint voices.

"Have you checked the shark-tub, hm?" Asked Deidara. "The basement?" Itachi nodded at every single one of his suggestions. "Why are you looking for him anyways?"

"Leader has given us a mission." Hidan and Deidara nod in apprehension.

"Haven't seen him, sorry. If I see the blue fucker I'll send him your way." Reassured Hidan before he noticed that Itachi was staring at him. "What?"

Itachi's lips curled upwards slightly and the raven made his way down the hallway in silence.

Hidan's frown deepened. "Okay, something is definitely off with my face..." He turned to face Deidara. "Where were we?"

"Go fuck yourself, hm! Katsu!" The blonde cursed before his infamous clay centipede wrapped around Hidan's body and, before Hidan could finish crying out his profanities, exploded. The building shook violently and dust and rubble spread across the floor while at the center a massive hole stood.

"Deidara!" A growl echoed down the hall and Deidara recoiled and feigned innocence and walked away before he reached the corner of the hall and began running for his life while his spot was taken by the imposing figure of Kakuzu.

"Oi, Kakuzu, a hand, yeah? That bitch-ass Deidara blew me to pieces." Called Hidan from down below, trying to grab his scattered limbs before a set of strings showered on him and levitated him to the miser's current floor, his strings digged painfully into the zealot's skin. Kakuzu however glares holes into Hidan's face and can't restrain a slight, macabre chuckle. Hidan snapped his eyes open and pointed at his partner accusingly.

"Kakuzu, you fucke..." His words died in his mouth at the sight before him, his eyes going wide as plates and jaw dropping low.

"One of these days I am going to kill you." The miser threatened. Hidan remained perplexed and mind-blown, unintelligible words leaving his mouth. Immediately right after, they hear a scream of pure horror coming from Zetsu's and Tobi's room.

"Ai, ai, I think we might have overdone it last night." Called a slurred voice, Kakuzu and Hidan turned at once to see Kisame walk on them. The shark-nin too indulged on pulling out the tape stuck on her arms failed to spot the shocked expression of her comrades, finally after feeling uncomfortable under their glances she granted them an annoyed expression. "What?" Her eyes shift to Kakuzu and her mouth dropped.

* * *

Pein certainly didn't expect to deal with this situation. Dealing with S-ranked criminals with a hangover was one thing. This, there was no name for the situation she was in now other than ridiculous.

"So neither of you remember anything from last night." The Akatsuki members before her shock their heads, annoyance and confusion clear in their faces. Pein hummed and took a few more notes, every once in a while allowing herself to examine Kisame, Sasori, Zetsu, Konan and Kakuzu. She glowered in annoyance before she turned to the scowling members once again.

"This jutsu reminds me of the 'Sexy no jutsu' used by Konohan citizens, though I fail to see how any of our citizens could come to acquire the knowledge of such jutsu, especially one such as strong and lasting as the one inflicted upon us. Whoever did this must have been a very powerful shinobi."

"Indeed. **A fucking prankster**." Hissed Zetsu.

"Can it be fixed?" Asked Kakuzu, crossing her arms under a pair of heavy breasts.

"Missing ye cock, eh, old man?" Snickered Hidan, elbowing his shrunk partner in the ribs only to receive a devastating blow that sent him flying past three layers of concrete wall. "Kakuzu! You fucking bitch!"

Pein massaged her temples in frustration, and Deidara realizing his leader's stress shouted; "I've got it, un!" And had his mouth hands sink into his clay pockets with enthusiasm. Konan took little to wrap the blonde in paper, successfully immobilizing him.

"Anyone but you, Deidara." Commented Pein before granting Konan a thankful expression. "As I was saying, there is no telling how long this will last, me and Konan will do some research as we too have been affected by it. Meanwhile, everyone is suspended from missions until this issue is resolved, there is no telling if this jutsu has altered our abilities too."

"Kakuzu is still a bitch, that much hasn't changed!" Cried out Hidan from his current position, annoying Kakuzu even further if possible.

"This jutsu doesn't alter personality, it will only be in time to see what other side-effects it carries. We will call you when we get results; dismissed."

Zetsu crossed her arms and puffed her cheeks. "This **blows**."

* * *

Kisame was at a lack of words when she saw her reflection. Her facial feature had become delicate and feminine, her eyes sporting large, dark eye-lashes and his usual thin lips now fat and curvy. He'd also shank, at least about three heads, his body had become lean and thin, his broad shoulders were still the most prominent feature of her body, besides her breasts, which were unbelievably soft under her own grasp. It's not like she had never touched breasts befrore, but there was something enticing and fun about fondling her own.

"Itachi, man, you have to feel these! They are beautiful, and so very soft!" He called out to his partner who was busy reading on the other side of the room, ever so often granting his partner a bored expression before he focused on the cold words. Kisame scowled, what was better than having a nude woman in your room? Then again, this was Itachi and Itachi found fascination in things no one else would.

"It's just a pair of breasts, Kisame." He mumbled.

"Not just any breasts; blue, soft breasts. You sure you don't want to feel them? They are quite nice!" Grinned Kisame. Even if Itachi had rolled his eyes, she'd spotted a hint of a smile on those lips of his. "I've got to show Kakuzu, man, I want to see if his are as good as mine!"

She pulled down her shirt and left the room and headed towards the Zombie Combo quarters. She knocked three times vigorously before she opened the door and entered the room before consent could be given. Kakuzu was lying lazily on her bed, reading the newspaper and looking at Kisame from the corner of her eyes before she concentrated on the news yet again.

Kisame sat on Hidan's bed and looked at Kakuzu expectantly.

"Don't even." Threatened Kakuzu and Kisame snapped her mouth shut.

Kakuzu looked no less threatening than she did when she was a man, however, that dangerous scowl looked incredibly sexy on Kakuzu's pouty lips and seductive eyes, and her long, shoulder length hair enhanced a feeling of aloofness more than anything else and the way the dark strands lead anyone's eyes down to her breasts was a perfect, sneaky combo.

"Where's Hidan?"

"Hell if I know." Kakuzu shrugged, oblivious to her friend's leering. "Probably cleaning that shit off his face." She bites her lip to contain her laughter. "Ah, that was a good prank."

The shark-nin grinned, her shark patterned teeth showing. "Can't believe it took him as long as it did for him to realize."

"It's Hidan, I'll believe anything from him."

Kisame couldn't help her eyes venturing further down his friend's body. Kakuzu's body shape was different, curvy, lean and surprisingly petite, well in comparison to her previous self that is; her hips were wide, her breasts in perfect proportion to them. A stark contrast to the massive bed he was resting on. Kakuzu moved and accommodated herself and Kisame's eyes darted once again to the breasts, he could see the perk nubs through the thin layer of cloth.

"Are you cold?" Asked Kisame, teasingly.

"Are you?" Retorted the other, unaware of her friend's innuendo.

"I'm boiling." Is all she said before she took her shift off in one swift motion. Kakuzu recoiled in shock, hands darted to her face and covered her eyes.

"What are you doing?" She demanded, her voice cracking with disbelief.

"Cooling down." He simply said. "What are you covering your eyes for? They're just boobs."

"Blue boobs." Added the miser looking through the gap between his stitched fingers.

"Exactly!" Chirped the shark nin, a wide grin spreading over her face. "Wanna touch them?"

Kakuzu frowned. "You can't be serious."

"I promise you they are as soft as they look." Kisame winked, hands on her waist and back arched to show off her bosom proudly. Kakuzu slowly stood, eyes glued to the other woman's chest. "Don't be shy, touch them." Kisame egged on. Kakuzu glanced at him again, making sure there was no bluff in those words before his hands jumped to land on the blue man's breasts. Kisame jumped and took Kakuzu's wrists. "You are freezing, fucking cold!"

Kakuzu retreated with a grin. "Nice rack."

"Show me yours, come on, I wanna see them!" Kisame insisted again and again and again. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and started taking her shirt off, her breasts bouncing as they were released from their confinement. They were quite big, even bigger than Kisame's, the nipples were a lighter color than the rest and tilted upwards. Kakuzu cupped them and looked at them with little interest.

"Heavy as hell." Is all she mumbled before he released them. "Even my back hurts." He spotted Kisame's depraved look and couldn't help feeling uncomfortable under her friend's gaze, slowly raising her arms to cover her naked breasts.

Kisame's reaction was simple instinct. Her fingers digged painfully into the bare skin offered to her, thumbs caressing the stitches on the gentle skin and fingers squeezing tight. Kakuzu's cheeks went bright red.

"I didn't say you could touch mine!"

"You touched mine!" Whined Kisame.

"Get your hands off me!" Snarled the nuke nin as she tried to pull the blue nin's warm hands from her breasts, but Kisame held on like vice. In the mist of their struggle, the couple collapsed to the floor, the women rolling back and forth as the battle for dominance ensued as Kakuzu used her stitches and Kisame her supernatural strength and teeth.

Ultimately, Kakuzu ended on the bottom, panting hard and loud as she attempted to crawl away from the woman pinning her down while blue hands kept on fondling her breasts roughly. Kisame stopped his ministrations for a moment, contemplating, before his thumb and index pinched Kakuzu's nipples, forcing a violent shiver out of the body beneath him. Kisame experimented again and this time Kakuzu moaned.

"Holy shit!" Panted the shark nin and couldn't help doing it again, Kakuzu arched at the touch.

"Kisame! Cut it out." Growled Kakuzu and managed to turn on her back and try to push the other off, Kisame struggled still.

"Aw come on man, I barely even felt them!" Kakuzu's eyes went wide open and Kisame grinned when she heard Kakuzu gasp once again. "Aw, you make such cute sounds, Kakuzu-chan!"

Kakuzu retaliated by slipping her hand between Kisame's legs. Even if her skin was covered with the thin layer of their uniform, the contact had given Kisame an electric shock of pleasure that made her limbs shake and mouth drop open to give a little whimper. At her reaction, Kakuzu grinned. Her hands reached out to grab a handful of Kisame's short blue hair and pulled until their positions had switched and Kakuzu had regained power. "Do not underestimate me." She whispered into Kisame's ear before her face descended to be mere inches from Kisame's breasts.

The blue nin's eyes opened wide.

"No way, are you going to-" Her words died and were replaced by a groan of pleasure as Kakuzu took her erect nipple into her stitched lips, her tongue laping out to map the unknown and unexplored land before her. When Kisame tried to move, the hand on her hair kept her pinned to the ground while the other hand raked it's nails down Kisame's torso leaving lines of red. "Auch, auch, auch! Man that hurts, watch it! OW!"

"What? I like it rough." Is all Kakuzu said as she brought her tainted hand up to her lips and licked the blood of them. If his intention had been to seduce Kisame further, then he had succeeded, because the shark-nin was mesmerized with the manner the nuke nin sucked her fingers and could think where else those fingers and lips were wanted.

As if reading her mind, Kakuzu took Kisame's waist between her hands and left a trail of kisses up Kisame's collar bone until she reached the blue navel, she glanced at Kisame's astonished and embarrassed expression and with a smirk she dipped her tongue into the bellybutton. Now free to move, Kisame's hands reached down to take handfuls of Kakuzu's hair and pulled painfully hard, she hadn't meant to but now at the verge of bliss she couldn't care less, not like Kakuzu minded either.

Kakuzu pulled down Kisame's trousers down, panting wildly before she allowed her hand to dip between her partner's legs. Kisame arched at the touch of cool fingers on her sex and pulled Kakuzu's hair, and the elder woman chukled as she slowly began to penetrate the blue entrance roughly.

"Shit, Kakuzu! Be gentle with me!" Wheezed Kisame, her hands reaching to grab the miser's forearms and dig into them painfully making said woman moan before her fingers buried deeper into the pliant blue body.

"Just like a girl in every way..." Mussed Kakuzu under her breath, sweat trickling down her body sensually, some strands of hair sticking to her forehead. Kisame covered her mouth when she felt her sounds of pleasure were becoming far too loud. Kisame released her other hand and allowed it to slip past the hem of Kakuzu's trousers and travelled south. Kakuzu bit his lip when he felt Kisame's warm fingers tracing her lower lips.

"No underwear, huh?" Managed to tease Kisame before she began to dip her fingers one by one, making Kakuzu whine at the excruciating torture and bucked her hips against the blue hand while her movements became more erratic and Kisame closed his eyes tightly as she felt something inside her tighten, her legs camping down on Kakuzu's waist and blood turning into liquid fire.

Then everything stilled and Kisame bit hard into her arms when she felt all of her muscles stiffen at her release, she arched her back and her eyes rolled to the back of her head before she felt everything come back to normal and she landed hard on her back, panting hard. Kakuzu pulled her fingers out and into her own mouth and licked them clean, her glazed eyes looked at Kisame, who was grinning at her pleased.

"Hey, maybe having a woman's body won't be so bad after all."

Kakuzu clicked her tongue in annoyance, leaned back until she was on her elbows and threw her head back and laughed breathlessly.

Neither noticed the albino silently closing the door.

* * *

_End Chapter 1_

Yeah, I have no idea how this happened :P. Please review :)


	2. Chapter 2

This mo-fo was massive, the next chapters won't be as long; for the sake of my fingers lol. I was quite nervous about posting this story up but I'm glad those who have read, alerted and reviewed have liked it! Which leads me to say: Thank you your reviews, I'd love to answer you individually but I really don't know what to say *t* besides thank you :D. And for those who may be wondering; Yes, I do enjoy to put characters into ridiculous situations, especially Kakuzu. I really try not to...wait, I lied pfff-

Anyway, let me know what you think and if I should bother continuing this! :)

Warning - Drug abuse, bad language, sexual content

* * *

"Psst, Deidara." Hissed the albino. "Hey, Barbie, psst!"

Deidara had tried, really, he had tried to ignore the zealot in hopes that said man would leave him alone. Unfortunately, his plan didn't work as he had anticipated, for the same man was still here, bothering him to no end. He sighed loudly and stopped working on his clay to massage his nose bridge. This had kept up for seven hours now, he was surprised he hadn't murdered the albino already. Even more so, Sasori hadn't murdered him, maybe he'd tried and failed just like Kakuzu did.

"For crying out- I hear you just fine, what the hell do you want, hm? And why the hell are you whispering?" He demanded. Hidan's smile spread like a Cheshire's cat. And in that instant, Deidara knew something was up.

"You remember how our partners are women yeah?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. It hadn't even been three days. And not only that- "How can I forget? My partner looks like a wooden sex doll, hm!" He said, maybe a little too loud, yet again he didn't care. It was the truth. Hidan didn't seem to mind either, whatever was in that little, silver head of his was more important than anything apparently.

"Yeah well, guess who I just walked on getting down and dirty with each other." That certainly got Deidara's attention.

"Oh, don't tell me, let me guess. You walked on Pein and Konan again?"

Hidan shook his head. "Even better than that."

Deidara frowned. "Not sure if this is a trap or not, hm."

"Of course not." Before their conversation could reach its conclusion, Deidara got distracted by his partner walking into the room. Hidan's words died when he checked the red-head out. "Well, hello there Sasori-chan." The albino purred and Sasori granted him a unimpressed look before he focused on the blond bomber.

"Deidara, did you get what I asked?" Sasori hissed, hands on her hips which were tilted slightly to the side. Sasori was about the same height, her petite body looking ridiculous in her over-sized clothes, she carried the same usual bored expression but right now, it looked more adorable than dangerous. Deidara rolled his eyes and returned to working on his clay.

"What was it again, hm?"

"Oil, brat." Hissed Sasori spitefully as he turned around and took his leave. "I suggest you get it now. Don't make me wait."

"Fucking ass, hm." Mumbled Deidara. "Go get it yourself."

"I heard that." Called Sasori and Deidara mimicked her with resent. "And I saw that. Don't test me, brat. Remember what happened last time."

"How could I, hm."Deidara chuckled before he started to stand up, tapping the dirt off his clothes and walked past the albino who was giving him the ugliest, questioning scowl.

"Where you going?"

"Where do you think, hm?" Deidara answered, pulling his hair into that odd pony-tail of his. "Wanna come?"

Hidan chortled. "Wow, you truly are Sasori's bitch."

Deidara threw his head back and started laughing as he started making his way out of the room. "And this is coming from Kakuzu's bitch. Ah, you crack me up sometimes, hm."

Hidan sticked his tongue out and blew, making a nasty, rude sound. Seeing no other reason to stay around, well besides spying on Sasori, Hidan left, unsure of where to go, besides his room, thus Hidan wandered into the living room where he found Tobi and Konan relaxing on the large leather, blue cloud printed couch.

"What's up bitches?" He called, making them aware of his presence. Hidan tried not to laugh out too loudly, he didn't know why but seeing Konan as a male was hilarious; not because he was ugly, or well, any reason in particular, he just thought it was funny how he'd always known she/he had his nipples pierce, a token from Pein certainly.

Konan was still small, she wasn't wearing a shirt at all, maybe because most of them were either too loose or too tight for him, his chest flat and muscles lean yet strong with broad shoulders and a small waist where, as mentioned beforehand, several piercings could be seen, from one on his bellybutton to the ones on his nipples to the ones on her nape and back they glittered; they looked nice on a male Konan and Hidan was more than certain they would have looked even better in her female body.

"Hidan-kun! Good to see you, would you like to play a game with Tobi?"

"It depends, what kind of game."

"Hide and seek!" Tobi chirped happily.

"Nah." The Jashinist mused and Tobi's enthusiasm dropped as fast as it had arisen. It wasn't that Hidan didn't like the game, on the contrary, it was one of his favourites, however, playing with three people didn't sound like much fun really, especially when it didn't have the participants he wanted. "There aren't enough people for it."

Tobi's enthusiasm sparked once again. "Konan said she'd play."

"I mean more than the three of us, like you know, everyone." Hidan pressed. "It makes it more fun."

"I said the same thing." Konan mussed as he flipped the page of his book.

"Oh, Tobi sees what you mean." Tobi said thoughtfully before his eyes focused on a spot over Hidan's shoulder. "Kisame-chan, Kakuzu-chan would you like to play hide and seek with us?"

Hidan froze and couldn't help swirling around in a heartbeat. Kakuzu and Kisame walked into the room, same as always; composed and dressed, it was strange seeing them like this after Hidan had seen them sweating, moaning, panting and writhing like wanton bitches. At the memory of it Hidan couldn't stop a filthy smile crawling on his face, that sort of smile that someone who knew something, a secret and couldn't wait to call it off. Kakuzu noticed her partner's mischievousness and glared at him in hopes that her penetrating sight would have her partner spit it out.

It didn't really work.

She didn't know what had been going on between them. Sure, Hidan and her never were the best of buddies, but lately, Hidan had been up to something, and KKakuzu wasn't liking it. Not one bit. Anything to do with Hidan or coming from Hidan meant trouble and Kakuzu wasn't up for trouble.

"Sure. I'm sure Kakuzu will join. Tobi's a good boy, right?" Kisame cheered.

"What about shogi?" Demanded Kakuzu, eyes squinting in questioning and Kisame snapped her fingers in accord.

"Right, right! How about we play after me and Kakuzu are finished, eh, Tobi?" They got Hidan at 'finished', a faint 'Pfff' escaping him.

"Yay!" Tobi cheered.

"Sounds good, so I'll just see if, umm, anyone else would like to join." Hidan suggested.

"Oh yes! Tobi will help! I'll get Zetsu-sempai-"

"No. I'll get the green fucker, you ask Barbie, Pinnochio, Firecrotch and ."

"Why does Tobi have to do all the work?" Konan asked chillingly.

"Tobi is the one who wants to play." Hidan retorted, Konan shrugged in the 'Yeah, I guess you're partially right' manner. Tobi stood at attention, lifted one straight palm to his forehead as he called 'Sir, yes, sir!' and was about to leave when Hidan caught him. "Any ideas where I can find the walking weed wrap?"

"He must be over in the green-house!" Hidan looked at Kakuzu as he nodded in understanding.

Still not breaking eye contact with his partner, Hidan answered; "Thanks, catch you all, later. Try not having too much fun without me, especially you, _Kakuzu-chan_." And was gone in moments, Kakuzu was about to follow when Kisame stopped her and pressed for their game to begin. The temptation to go after Hidan was great, but then again, Kakuzu had amazing self-control when it came to her partner.

* * *

Hidan hardly wandered to this side of the base, mostly because the whole area was covered in poisonous, stinking carnivore plants and vines. However, Zetsu did prefer that his 'green-house' as she called it, be visited by few members of the organization as possible, especially Hidan, for being, well, Hidan. Why? No one knew exactly why, besides Kisame and Tobi who were the members the peculiar woman got best along with.

Despite being a hell-hole, Hidan discovered that walking far enough there was a clear area showered in beautiful flower beds with a large tree in the middle of it. Its thick and long roots running down and over the floor, covering a vast radius of the field of colors.

'How uncharacteristically flourishing of Zetsu.' Hidan had thought as he walked past the silent field, eyes scanning the area for any sign of the plant woman. A peculiar smell flared his nostril and guided him to its origin deeper into the field where Hidan was surprised to find Zetsu behind one of the massive tree roots, leaning lazily against the hard wood, one hand laying on her belly while the other was holding a-

"Zetsu, you _naughty fox_." Hidan snorted, making said woman jerk violently at the unexpected intrusion. Hidan jumped to land on her line of sight and she sighed in relief before taking another inhale, her red eyes looking at him lazily. "You fucking stoner!"

"Thought you were Pein or worse,Tobi..." Zetsu puffed the smoke out through her nostrils. "Care to join us?" She asked, offering the joint towards the albino, who looked around in case anyone was watching, before taking the offer and crouching in the spot next to the plant-woman. Zetsu looked at Hidan with a tired expression. "What's got ya hanging out around this side of the base? **About time someone besides Tobi did.**"

"Many things, currently; Tobi asked me to search for you so we could all play hide and seek." Zetsu hummed in the way of 'Cute, I don't really give a shit'. "But also just trying to keep as much distance from my room as possible."

"Oh? **Why's that**?" He mumbled, not really interested.

"Kakuzu and Kisame have been getting some since yersteday." Zetsu looked at him expectantly, obviously missing the point. Hidan expanded his explanation. "Fucking each other."

"Ahh...** Giggidy.**"

"Yup."

"That escalated quickly."

"Yeah; man you should have seen them, they were quite good at it too; pleasuring each other and all. Kisame was panting so hard I was surprised no one else heard him...her? Meh. And don't even get me started on Kakuzu." It came to Hidan's mind that maybe Kakuzu, in secret, perhaps, okay, yes, was very hot, at least to him, in a weird sort of way. And the manner the woman demanded control made Hidan want to take it away. A challenge he's more than willing to accept. It should be the man who is in control. Before Kakuzu did always have control, but now that he was a woman...

"Yeah, I'd pummel her into the ground." The comment had been so out of the blue that Hidan had to blink and pinch himself to be sure that the plant-woman had truly said that.

"Okay, now that's offensive. Come on man, she's my partner."

Zetsu blinked, a blush tainting her skin. "Oh, my. I'm sorry, I thought that pummeling someone was a reference to heavy thrusting, I thought you-"

"I'm just shitting with you, man." Snickered Hidan before he cackled while Zetsu stared at him blankly. Hidan cleaned the tears of joy and sighed before taking another deep inhale from the joint before passing it back to Zetsu. "Didn't know you had the hots for the old-pansy."

"I don't." Zetsu smirked that mischievous and unusual smile. Hidan eyed him deviously, Zetsu was one of those men, er, women that loved to taunt their prey through the means of manipulation, oxymoron and play of words to express what was truly in their mind. Hidan hated it, he preferred people be straight forward with him. He tested the waters once again and changed subject.

"Ah, its nice to finally have some someone to smoke with."

"Doesn't Tobi always come here?"

"He disapproves of me smoking, says it makes me..._weird_." Hidan couldn't help catching the mock accentuated in the last word and telling by Zetsu's Cheshire smile, the woman had changed it on purpose. "So, I don't smoke when he comes over. **Too bad**, I'd think he'd love it. **It's good shit**. Can you see Tobi being high? Hehe... **Dammit**, now I want to see him high...**Shit...Tobi, why are you such a good boy**?"

Hidan tried not to snort, though he really wanted for Zetsu to stop talking about Tobi. "You are really stoned aren't you?"

"**Maybe**. Possibly. **Sort of. **Hehe..."

_Yeah, totally gone. _"How's being a woman so far?"

"Alright. It **blows**." Zetsu groaned. "**Tits get in the way of everything and if that wasn't bad enough, going to the bathroom is complicated as fuck**."

Hidan chuckled. "You're as whinny as a woman too."

"What does that make** your whinny ass then**?" Zetsu retorted with sass.

"Freaking smart-ass."

Zetsu laughed, it was a strange sound that Hidan had never heard, it was so unusual coming from the quiet, usually stoned plant-woman. The way her frail body jerked, how her small boobs shook lightly at the tremor of her chest and how delicate hands reached up to cover the little smile visible on the white side's face. Hidan examined the body of the peculiar woman; he was already watching, might as well explore further.

Zetsu wasn't curvy, more like lean, frail and delicate just like a flower, this was further emphasized by the pants pooling on her long legs and the manner the cloak hung clumsily around her shoulder, revealing a tad of skin. Hidan's eyes moved when Zetsu changed her position, her cloak opening slightly to the point that Hidan could see the top of one of Zetsu's breasts and shoulder.

He didn't know how much he'd smocked, nor did he care because Zetsu didn't seem to mind either as her eyes were also below his chin, glaring at his shirtless torso. He smiled when he realized the attraction was mutual.

"Say Zetsu," He blabbered faintly, licking his lips at the sudden dryness of his mouth. Zetsu hummed in apprehension and Hidan flickered his eyes up to her in hopes she would melt under the intensity but found he couldn't look away from the exotic flesh presented to him. "Have you ever had sex?"

Zetsu didn't look away, one of her eyebrows arching high. "What kind of question is that?" Not even Tobi asked him that.

"One I asked." Hidan said in a matter of fact tone, Zetsu's grin cracked wider. A good sign, Hidan pushed on. "So, have you?"

"What do you think, pretty boy?" There goes that smirk and Hidan can't help answering with a similar expression. Nonetheless, he hated that nick-name. He was a man not a frail, idiotic hormonal teen, or so he'd like to think.

"I don't believe shit until I see it." Ventured Hidan, suddenly feeling unbearable hot under his own skin.

"Oh. I could say the same about you." Zetsu snickered, head hanging back and eyes closing. "I bet you're just bark and no bite."

Hidan felt offended, he took great pleasure in his virility and abilities in bed with women. He wasn't a tender lover, he would never be, it was not the way of Jashin. Pain was everything and sometimes others liked the pain as much as Hidan did, _twisted little fucks_ he'd think, but boy did he appreciate them. He wondered if Zetsu was the sort. Actually, what was Zetsu into? He had heard rumors, but no defining facts.

He moved closer to Zetsu, invading the plant-woman's personal space, eyes raking over her small frame. If Zetsu was bothered by his proximity, she didn't show it. Hidan leanec closer still until his nose was pressed against the side of her head, the soft strands of hair tickling his face. His hands moved over the woman's sides, ghosting over her features before he allowed hot fingers to come in contact with cool, smooth skin. He cupped her face and brought her towards him. He took a deep inhale and was pleasantly surprised that Zetsu didn't only just smell of weed but recently cut grass, he hummed in content and pressed his lips against her ear.

"I can bite if you like."

Zetsu's eyes snapped open and slowly glanced to Hidan with silent indecision. After what seemed to be an eternity, Zetsu's lips twitched upward. "Liked what you saw, **hmm**?"

"I'll let you figure that one out." Mocked Hidan and retreated to his original position. Zetsu tried not to look to disappointed at the lack of touch.

"Tease."

"So, I've heard." Hidan chuckled.

Zetsu took a long sip from what little remained of the joint before she crushed it to the ground. She held her breath with eyes closed, relishing in the pleasure of the absence of logic; then opened them slowly, yellowish red eyes clashing against purple, with a sensual grin her body straddled the Jashinist's lap, taking whatever remained of Hidan's dignity and will-power not to touch like a depraved man, until their faces were inches from one another. Zetsu blew the smoke into Hidan's face, a bemused expression at Hidan's annoyed reaction. She took his chin gently.

"Well then...Wanna fuck?" She asked casually.

"You bet." Purred Hidan and allowed Zetsu to close the gap between them until her lips met his. Soon Zetsu had swayed her arms around Hidan's shoulders and pulled him closer while the Jashinist slipped his hands under the Akatsuki robe, pulling it apart so his hands could take hold possessively of the colored breasts. Zetsu jumped at the contact, and Hidan almost chuckled at the fact that she bit his lip; the irony.

* * *

Kakuzu and Kisame sat opposite to each other, deep frowns on each of their faces while a table with shogi pieces awaited between of them. Konan and Tobi sat on the couch every once in a while looking up to see what the pair where doing only to look away in boredom. Kakuzu soon was getting impatient with her opponents slow decisions and decided to voice her thoughts.

"You really suck."

"Fuck off will ya? This game is hard." Kisame gave her a dirty look and sticked her tongue out before making her next move rashly, before she could remove her fingers off the piece, Tobi spoke.

"Uh-oh, poor choice, Kisame-chan." Chirped the masked nin. Kisame bit her lip and granted Kakuzu a glance before she changed her piece to another location, again, Tobi clicked his tongue in disapproval and Kisame moved it again and again and again until Kakuzu lost her patience and forced Kisame's fingers off the piece before making her move, proving to be the victor of the game.

"Cheater." Mumbled Kisame with resent. Konan chortled.

"You would have lost either way."

"You think you could have done better?"

"Not to be cocky, but yes." He turned to Kisame. "Right about now, I am better than you intellectually and physically."

"Bull. Shit." Called Kisame and slammed her elbow on the table. Konan looked from her hands to her face and with an uninterested expression back to his paper. "What? Scared?" Konan turned to look at her, he closed the book he was reading and ever so slowly placed it to the side before he placed his elbow on the table and caught Kisame's with confidence. "You sure you want to do this? I won't go easy on you." Konan remained silent. "I'm serious here, I don't want to get in trouble with leader-sama for-"

"One, two, three, GO!" Cried Tobi, and as soon as the word was given Konan flipped his arm to the side and slammed Kisame's hand to the table with strength that made the wooden object rattle violently. Tobi jumped in excitement and pointed at Konan. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!"

"Shit, my arm! You broke my arm..." Whimpered Kisame, curling on herself. "Asshole, auch...Oh, god. I can't feel it."

"Stop being such a pussy." Konan mumbled, rolling his eyes before he spotted Kakuzu taking Kisame's place. Konan placed his elbow on the table, his hand taking Kakuzu's. "Ready?" This time, it was Kakuzu who remained in silence, however, to everyone the large grin hiding under the mask was obvious.

"Tobi?" Called Konan, eyes stuck on to Kakuzu's.

"One," Their fingers tightened on each other's hand. "Two," Their teeth gritted and their loose hand turned into a fist. "Three!" Tension was immediate, their arms shook and blood flushed to their faces and limb, breaths becoming ragged and eyes struggling to keep contact. Finally, the arms leaned to one side, shaking violently to not come in contact with the table, however with one final brutal shove the table cracked in half and gave way to define the winner.

"Scary." Stuttered Tobi sheepishly as he hid behind Kisame, who was still holding her numb arm.

Kakuzu kept Konan's hand pinned to the floor as she mumbled. "Looks like I won."

Even as a woman, Kakuzu was one of the strongest members.

* * *

Zetsu buried her fingers into the soil, cheek grinding roughly against the ground with every powerful thrust given. A spot inside her was hit and Zetsu's voice rose dangerously high and Hidan had bare moments to slap his hand over the colored man's mouth to muffle it.

"Quiet, or do you want to be found like this, dumbass?" Whispered Hidan, senses attentive for possible wanderers. Eventually, his paranoia decreased and he allowed himself to continue. He groaned and changed position, each hand taking respectively one of Zetsu's wrists while one foot planted on the side of Zetsu's face, securing her to the ground before he started moving, setting a beastly pace.

"Hi-Hidan, slower. Please, ah,** fuck, slower**!" Panted Zetsu, writhing uncontrollably beneath the albino. "We are going to get caught, Tobi might come searching for us. Tobi is-**fuck, fuck,** **I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming**!"

Suddenly, Hidan made an abrupt stop. Zetsu choked out a sound that was a mix between a mewl and a whine. Hidan took a few deep breaths and cleaned the sweat dripping down his forehead with the back of his hand, as soon as Zetsu felt one hand off his skin he tried moving her hips back only to have Hidan keep them in place. "Easy now, whose a good girl, eh, Zetsu?"

Zetsu closed her eyes and tried to ignore the unbearable heat on her sex and the feeling of Hidan up her guts and thought of her plants, the cool wind and the numb sensation of being high; feeling light and buoyant and invincible. She took deep breaths, slightly bumping her head on the ground to keep control of her course of mind and body, as well as reminding her that she was indeed in the real world, one where she was bent over with Hidan balls deep inside her.

"Oh God, Hidan...**fucking move**!"

"You don't want it to end that quick, do you?" Zetsu growled and Hidan smiled smugly in victory. "I thought so." And began moving excruciatingly slow. Zetsu took handful of dirt, sighs and mewls coming out of her faintly. Suddenly, one of her hands went down her body until she reached her goal and began pleasuring herself, her fingertips caressing Hidan's member ever so often.

Hidan threw his head back and groaned before he slapped Zetsu's ass, making the other yelp in surprise, and he did it again and again, despite Zetsu's protests, until he was pleased with the reddened flesh and began moving fast, pulling his victims hips back to have their meeting be brutal and rough. With each thrust, Zetsu stumbled forth, her little arms resting in front of her as she tried to resist the rough treatment. Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes at the pain of her nether regions but she contained her cries by bitting her own hand.

She felt Hidan's moves become more uncoordinated and desperate and she knew that he was near completion. "Hidan! Hi-Hidan! Remember to pull out!" Hidan leaned over so his torso pressed down against Zetsu's back, arms wrapped around her body roughly, fingers digging into her small breasts, locking them together and he continued. "Hidan! **Don't you fucking dare come insid**-" Wheezed Zetsu and was answered with a large hand taking a handful of her hair slamming her to the ground.

"Yeah, yeah, heard you." Gasped the albino. "Don't worry, I've got it under control. Get ready tho..."

Ready? Ready for what? But before she could voice her doubt she felt Hidan's fingers slip between her ass and breached her back entrance roughly with two fingers clawing his insides; it was painful. This time she couldn't help to cry out obscenities. She hurried the movements of her fingers, pants growing louder and louder until she suddenly felt it, her orgasm came unexpectedly, hitting her hard and swooping her off her feet.

Hidan growled as he felt Zetsu's sex cling on to him like a viper and pulled out with a hiss and quickly took hold of his aching member and pumped it fast. He grunted at his climax, semen tainting the flowers squashed by their sinful acts, his whole body growing stiff and mouth falling agape at the silent cry that never made it out. He collapsed, a pleased smile on his face. He turned to his partner finally noticing that there was blood running down her thighs.

"Oops. Zetsu? Oi, Zetsu?" He managed to get to the plant-woman's body and slapped her cheeks faintly until her eyes fluttered and opened slightly to acknowledge him. "You okay?"

"Son... of a bitch." She whispered breathlessly, feeling too weak and tired to bother strangling the violent brute.

"I'm glad you liked it. I certainly did." Chuckled Hidan. His face a gasp away from Zetsu's, their breaths clashing against one another's skin, Hidan leaned lower and his lips ghosted over Zetsu's in form of mocking a kiss. He ran a finger around the white and black lips before his eyes snapped up to meet with his sexual partner's glazed gaze and smirked. "So, ready for round two?"

Zetsu grinned cheekily but her lids fluttered shut and she grew still under him; she had fallen asleep.

Hidan blinked once, twice, thrice..."Aw, come on!"

* * *

Konan, Deidara, Kakuzu, Kisame and Itachi looked at each other in confusion. Tobi had been gone for quite some time, being the good person that he is he worried that Hidan would have gotten trapped in one of Zetsu's toxic plants and decided to venture into Zetsu's lair. However, now everyone was worried for an hour had passed since Tobi had ventured after the albino.

"We could just take a peek you know." Kisame suggested. "Wouldn't take long."

"No." Itachi concluded.

"Tobi would want us to believe in him; Tobi's a good boy, hm." Chuckled Deidara coolly. "And Hidan, well..."

"He'd want us to have the lowest expectations for his survival." Finished Kakuzu. Kisame wasn't convinced or pleased with his partners' responses.

"If you're so eager to search for them, why don't you go, hm?"

"I'm not going in there alone, fuck no." Kisame blurted out in a matter of fact way.

"Coward." Kakuzu snickered and Kisame flicked him off.

"You go then." Dared Kisame bitterly. Kakuzu guffawed.

"No."

"Pussy." Kisame mumbled

"Pansy."

"Rag-doll."

"Sashimi."

"Ouch...Low hit."

"...Pansy."

"Enough!" Konan shouted, standing between the two women hand pressing at their chests to make distance. Despite Kisame and Kakuzu's shrinking, they both were still taller than Konan.

"I guess we aren't playing hide and seek, hm." Mumbled Deidara, disappointed.

* * *

_End Chapter 2_

* * *

Oh, and just to help clear things up, in case any of you were confused, these are the characters' gender:

Hidan - male

Konan - male

Deidara -male

Itachi - male

Tobi - male

Kakuzu - female

Kisame - female

Sasori - female

Zetsu - female

Pein - female


End file.
